Losing You
by Chemicalsentiments
Summary: Inspired by Cemetary Drive  Mcr  Mello thinks Matt is gone and doesnt know what else to do, Rated T for swearing, implied self harm, also some slight boyxboy..R&R please! Enjoy!


**Losing You**

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It was a sunny day when Mello woke up that morning. He felt good, which was a bit out of the ordinary for him, but he thought nothing of it. Mello sat up in bed and looked over at the red-head curled up fast asleep next to him. if it was any other day, he would have shaken Matt awake, but being in a surprisingly happy mood, he did not. He got out of bed and made himself a cup of coffee and sat down on the dingy old couch in the corner of the apartment he and Matt lived in, and turned on the TV. He flicked aimlessly through the channels, finding nothing that particularly caught his eye. Mello turned the TV off when he heard Matt get out of bed.

"Morning Mels...you're up early. Something wrong?" Matt asked groggily. Mello handed him a cup of coffee and pulled him over to take a seat on the couch next to him. "No, I'm actually feeling really good today," Mello smiled and sipped his coffee, "I was thinking we could go somewhere today...you know? Do something fun for once, instead of work. Maybe the park or-" Matt cut him off, "Mello, I don't know, I have a funny feeling about today and I'd rather just stay here. It'd still be fun." Matt gave a weak smile. He'd had a funny feeling about the day as soon as he'd woken up. the first thing he noticed was obvious, Mello hadn't violently awakened him, which had been a routine occurrence ever since they'd moved in together. Second, Mello had made coffee, and it wasn't just that, that was out of the ordinary, but the fact that Mello had made a cup of coffee for the both of them. And, finally, the fact that Mello had just asked him to go out for the day. That never happened, not once since Mello had gotten involved with the mafia. Mello insisted that they should go out, he suggested the park, he suggested a movie, all sorts of things. Finally, Matt apprehensively agreed. "That's great! I'm going to go shower and get ready," Mello shoved his coffee cup into Matt's free hand and got up to walk towards the bathroom, "I'll be out soon" he said over his shoulder, and smiled at Matt.

Matt still thought that going out would be a bad idea. Now, don't get me wrong, Matt loved spending time with Mello, but given Mello's strange behavior earlier, and his almost 'peppy' demeanor now, Matt could not ignore the his gut feeling. He got up and walked over to the small kitchen area opposite the couch and put the two cups in the sink and then headed over to the bedroom. He rested his forehead against the window pane, and tried to convince himself that he was overreacting, and that today would be just fine. Matt's thought were interrupted when a horrible sound came from the bathroom. "_Is that Mello...singing?"_ He smiled and decided he'd try to enjoy the day as much as his best friend was.

Mello stepped out of the shower, still half singing, half humming and mix of about seven different songs, and wrapped a towel around his waist. He went through his usual morning routine, brushing his teeth, washing his face, etcetera. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and sighed, raising a hand to touch the scar covering half of his face. Mello stood still and looked at the person her saw in the mirror for a few more moments and smiled. _"I guess I should just accept this..."_ he thought, and in that instant, Mello was okay with his appearance. He stepped out of the bathroom still smiling and walked up behind Matt. The blond wrapped his arms around the other boy's shoulders and he stood there, looking out the window with Matt.

After staring out of the window in silence for a good five or ten minutes, Mello pulled Matt backwards, away from the window. "Come on" he whispered in Matt's ear, letting go of him, "We've got to get ready!" Matt smiled and watched Mello walked across the little bedroom over to their dresser. He pulled out clean clothes, leather pants, vest, the usual, and pulled them on. "Well Matt? Aren't you gonna get ready too?" He asked, rather impatiently. Matt nodded and pulled on a pair of jeans, and looked for a shirt.

About thirty minutes later, the two were sitting in their car, and decided where they were going to go. "What about the park? Or we could get breakfast and then go to the park...and then lunch and-" "Whoa, Mels, calm down," Matt laughed, "You don't need to plan out every detail." Mello nodded and pulled out of the driveway. Since neither of them knew where they wanted to go, Mello drove around with no real destination in mind.

"Matt...I wanted to have a good time...and this is getting pretty boring." Mello grumbled after having driven for about forty-five minutes, still with nowhere to go. Matt looked up from his game and gave the other boy a puzzled look. Matt had been having a lovely time just playing his games, and enjoying the fact that Mello wasn't yelling. "I'm gonna have some fun." Mello said, and got that grin he always got when he had some strange idea in his head. He stepped on the gas, and smiled as the car accelerated. He went through red light after red light, thinking nothing could hurt him. It wasn't until it was already too late when he noticed the truck driving straight at him. Mello gave his best effort to get out of the way, but his tries were futile. The oncoming car was going too fast and there was nothing he could do. He heard the crash, and felt his crash into something with more force than he'd ever known. There was a flash and then everything went blank.

Mello came to in a brightly lit room. He tried to rub his eyes, but felt a sharp pain run through his arm as soon as he tried to lift it. He blinked a few times and looked around. Though his vision was blurred, Mello was sure he saw Matt. He called out the red-head's name. "Matt?" No answer. "Matt…?" Still, silence. "MATT?" Mello tried to get up. He had to find Matt. Where could Matt be, Mello wondered. And then it dawned on him...he didn't even know where he, himself, was. He felt hands on his arms, holding him as he struggled against them. "No! No! I have to find him, GET OFF OF ME!" Mello didn't know what was going on. "_Who are these people?"_,he thought. "Sir…sir? We need you to calm down."He vaguely heard a woman's voice say, "We're going to help you, please calm down." Mello stopped struggling momentarily and looked around. A hospital room? How did he get there? He panicked again . Matt has to be here. "Sir, if you keep this up your going to lose more blood!" _Blood?_ _What happened?_ "No! I don't care! Just get the hell off of me!" Looking troubled, the nurse backed up a bit. "Where did you take Matt? What did you do with him?" "The boy brought in with y-" Mello cut her off, "I want to see him, where is he? I need to see him now!" "I'm afraid you can't do that." The nurse informed him. Mello froze. Can't _see him..? Why…no. He can't be. No. NO._ He couldn't think straight, and slumped backwards onto the bed. The nurse took this opportunity to fix Mello's IV , and left quietly, leaving Mello alone with his thoughts.

_ I should never have gone through that red light. I shouldn't have driven so fast. I-I…shouldn't have gotten Matt into to this…I should have listened to him. Why can't I see Matt? Why not!_ Mello realized it could mean one thing, and one thing only. Matt was dead. Matt was dead and it was his fault. Matt never even saw the other car coming, he was so engrossed in one of his video games, and by the time Mello saw it, it was too late. This was all his fault. Mello couldn't take it. He didn't want to feel this. to be honest, he didn't want to feel anything. He felt his eyes burning. No. He wouldn't cry. He just couldn't. Mello was too strong to cry. He pulled the IV out of his arm and ran out of the room.

Down the hall, one…two…maybe three sets of stairs, stumbling all the way. He heard the voices calling after him, but he didn't care, Mello was past caring. He just kept running, one thought in his head: Mail…Matt…his Matt. Mello felt the tears sliding down his face. He ran until he got to the small apartment he and Matt had shared. He stopped at the door only long enough to notice the blood running down his arm. "Damn IV's" he muttered, and unlocked the door. He walked in, and slumped down against the wall. The place was shabby and dark, and smelled like a mix of chocolate and cigarettes. Mello looked over at the array of video games strewn about the floor. "_Oh, Matt"_, he thought. The pain in his chest hit again, and much harder this time.

He didn't want to feel this. He wanted to feel Matt. Matt's arms around him. But that couldn't happen because Matt was fucking dead. Dead. And it was Mello's fault. He couldn't handle this. He ran, shaking and sobbing, to the bathroom. He had to do it. He wanted to. He found an old razor and looked at his wrists. Mello shut his eyes and- "Shit…what the hell?" Mello must have been hallucinating. "Mello?" was that…Matt? No. It couldn't be. "Mello, are you here?" Mello opened his eyes, "Matt…" he whispered. Matt heard the faint voice and followed the sound to the bathroom. "Oh..God!" Mello sobbed harder, realizing what must have been going through Matt's head. He dropped the razor and pulled his knees to his chest. Matt, adorned in bruises, scrapes, and a few sets of stitches, knelt down and wrapped his arms around Mello. "Oh Mels…" Matt whispered into Mello's ear. Mello looked up at the boy holding him. "I… I thought you were gone" Mello could barely get the words to come out. "Mello, I'd never leave you. You know that." Matt pressed his lips against Mello's. "I love you, Matt." said Mello, tears still pouring freely down his cheeks. Matt looked at his best friend. "I know you do." "I'm sorry," Mello choked out, "I couldn't do it without you..and I'm sorry I hurt I you, I really...I really didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. " his voice got progressively softer, until he was whispering to himself. "Mello, look at me." Matt took the Mello's face in his hands. "You're okay, and that's what matters," Matt pulled the boy closer to him and rubbed his back, "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Matt scooped Mello up in his arms, and carried him to their bed, placing him down carefully. He brushed the blonde hair out of Mello's eyes, and then went to get a towel to clean up the blood from where Mello's stitches had opened, and where the IV was pulled out. Matt also grabbed a chocolate bar from the kitchen, Mello's favorite. He returned to the bedroom and attended to his friend's needs. When that was finished, Matt sat on the bed, and pulled Mello to his chest. He wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and handing him the chocolate bar. The two sat in silence while Mello finished the candy. They remained that way, Matt holding Mello, until Mello dozed off, Matt doing the same not long after.

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A/N: More may be added, possibly a second chapter sorta thing, somehow :)

Cookies for reviews? :3


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